Late Night Thinking...Venting...Rambling...

Up late...and It's been awhile since I've blogged.

Idk why I don't write more. I have plenty to talk about...for real!

Tonight though, just got some things that are weighing HEAVY on my heart, got my mind all over the place. So I'm blogging to get myself together. Please bear with me.

I wish I could express it all, vent and get it all out!

Although first it wouldn't be wise to do publicly online (you know, sharing all or too many details), and second I have to be wise in general about how I deal with my emotions. I believe in having self control, because I could go crazy, but then again I could just give it over to God.

I can let Him know (even though He already does know) what's up and how I'm feeling about it. I mean, sometimes I do cry to Him. Sometimes I feeling a little upset (not at Him) and I'm just so tensed about certain situations (whether I'm affected directly or indirectly). Ones where I am completely aware of that I have no control over, foolishness is rampant, and/or nothing seems to makes sense. So then I'm just to the point where I am done, just can't deal, and asking God....Why? 

I'm asking why this or that....why did I or why did they/him/her do such a thing....why can't this get better....get resolved....just be over?

There have been times where I felt "numb". What do I mean? Numb, as in just no exact feeling or reaction to a situation because I'm so far to the point of not even understanding how to feel about whatever is going on. I could have been happy, sad, upset, confused, or whatever at first, but eventually I go into a state of...blank. I can't interpret how I should feel when so much is going on...almost like I get too overwhelmed with emotions and then I guess check out.

Idk, hope that made sense.

Well now as I stated above, I feel burden and want to vent (a mixture of sorrow and anger), but...

then again I feel like I'm entering a state of peace.

All of a sudden, but Sweet Spirit you just said...

Hold on my readers! Remember I'm doing this blog to help me out.

Let me clarify...yes my heart is burden,  but God is bestowing peace on me as I start to let go and let Him handle it. It's a process.

As I write (or type), I'm checking my emotions and discerning through what to say.

At this point you're probably like, "So, what's bothering you?".

Well mainly satan and things he's been up to with my family and friends. Not that I don't have my struggles, but nothing compares right now to what's going on with them. Their health, jobs, marriages, etc....are being under attack by satan.

He's been busy if you haven't noticed!!!

My loved ones are in a state of emergency. They got all kinds of foolishness and sinful matters going on. Others are sick with illnesses and ailments, just waiting to be healed. Some are lost, defeated, and/or confused about where they at in life. It's CRAZY!

Why am I burden? I can't do anything about it. It's like I have to site here and watch it all go down. I can't make it go away. I can't stop satan. I can't stop sin. I can't...

But God can! So now I have to pray and let Him work it out! I need to stop worrying myself and not feel hopeless, because God got it.

He has the sick, the lost, the hurt, and the confused. He has each one taken care of in a way that I can't, but certainly He can fix it all.

So as I end my rambling, let me just conclude by saying...

You were not meant to solve the problems of this world. You can't always intervene or get involved. You won't have enough of your on strength of power to change or deal with certain things. It all has to be left up to God. Only He can make a way and work it out. At the end of the day, any of us can do is pray and let Him work. Now if He decides to you (or me) to be apart of His plan to restore, rebuild, or reconcile, then listen and obey. Also trust that what God does is for His glory, but theirs or our benefit. 

I share in each of their burdens, but I can't carry it for them. I have to believe God is going to lift it and make everything as it should be.

Year after year....

This time of year will always remind me of how far I've come and how I was able to overcome some really deep stuff.

With all the killing going on, I just have to praise God for keeping me. The world is becoming more dangerous.

Having your life threaten is a scary and tramatic experience. 

Even tho its been almost 3 years, I think deep down I still feel what I dealt with then. I try not to think about it, but...

I still wonder what happened to those two young men who robbed me. Did they do it to someone else? Did they ever get caught? Did I do what I was suppose to do? Why am I still affected by it sometimes?

I feel like it's never been fully resolved.

I think others can relate. Although others I know who've been through the same thing don't talk about their related experiences much. So I guess maybe it is still fresh to me? Maybe I haven't completely got over it yet?

Idk, still happy to be here and alive. God protected me and all I can do is thank Him. I saw two guns point at me and what else was there to do but trust God.

I just pray that those two boys didn't continue on with their actions.

I'm hoping to use that part of my life as a testimony and not be known as a victim, but a victor.

Feeling Stuck?

Been feeling like you're not going anywhere?
Not sure of your future?
Nothing going right or according to plan?
Are you lost...confused...and expect a bad outcome?

Well...who isn't? Didn't expect that response did ya?

Don't worry I mean well...

but think about it. You are not the only one who has a time in their life when trials and tests and negative circumstances will cause you to feel stuck. Stuck isn't always a bad state to be in...you just can't stay stuck because that when negativity creeps in and have you thinking all kinds of mess.

When your plans to do this or that doesn't go that way, you stay in place because you can't see or you don't know what to do...or where to go next. It throws you/us off...

I believe it happens to most of us, but then what happens? What are we to do?

For myself, I go to God and ask for clarity and direction. There has been many times in my life I feel like I'm on the go, things are going well, and I'm moving forward. Then something cause me to either takes many steps back or just stops me in my tracks...and I become at a lost of what to do. I get "stuck" and I'm guilty of sometimes choosing to stay stuck and miss out on a lot of things that I could have taken advantage of to help me get out it. I make excuses, instead of actually doing something about it.

When I get ready to feel "un-stuck", I get quiet and reflect on everything up to that point. I think what might have gone wrong, what I did or didn't do, and how can I get going any again. I soon come to realize that God allowed something to "stop" me where I am and He'll be the one to get me going anything in the direction I'm suppose to in. From the start I should have gone to Him and begin the process to be set free!

It doesn't always have to be something negative to cause me or you to feel stuck (we just make it seem or take it that way). Sometimes God just wants you to do something else. Since He is in control and He has a plan, we sometimes need to get reposition or turn to go another way.
God wants to place us in a new place, give us a new tasks, or maybe embark you on a new journey.

We get stuck especially when it is not what we want to do. We don't want to leave someplace, we don't want to go there, and we don't want to do something new. So we just get stuck...rather stay in place than to go on and embrace what's ahead. Sometimes it could be because of fear (of the unknown), worry, or just plain on stubbornness.

You and I have to get out of feeling stuck because it just keeps us there and that doesn't help us move along like God intended. If you trust Him, then take the next step. Go ahead and know what is ahead is meant for your own good, even if you do encounter obstacles along the way. Those are there to help you become stronger and build your character, but ultimately bring you closer to where you NEED to be and to God.

If you feel stuck because you're discontent or unsatisfied about your current state, I say you still need to be faithful and committed to completing the task(s) at hand until God says otherwise. Don't try to move along with out Him. Don't just quit either.

So next time you feel "stuck", sit down, pray, and listen. You'll either have to wait for an answer to where to go or what to do next or get going right away and wait on the rest of the instructions to be revealed to you. Still do what you have been called to do, unless God says to stop then, but don't just give up or drop everything unless that is apart of the plan.

You don't have to keep feeling stuck...you can be set free!

In the Morning

Every now and then I post on fb or my blog about being real and true when it comes to being a Christian...no matter where you are, no matter what! So here I go again...

When I check my fb in the morning, I see a lot of morning "Christians". What do I mean? They post verses, praises about being awake, thankful for what they have, but a couple hours later...

complaining, cussing, trashing, anger, negativity, etc!

Seriously, not saying you can't have a difficult day, but your character of being in Christ shouldn't be compromised or change based on your situations. Remain right in Him, otherwise that's how other perceive Christians as hypocrites.

It's a shame how much comes from the mouth giving glory to God, but the actions and attitude to follow is totally different. It's like Christ left the building. He matters in the morning, but after 12pm, you're free to do whatever.

No one's perfect, but still. Just so much here and there I'm saved, but all the other times doesn't matter.

I'm going to check myself first, because if what I call myself isn't reflect everywhere I go and in everything I do including on social media, then that's a problem. I don't want to appear fake or wayward.

Let's all check ourselves, especially on social media, because we're being watched everywhere. What you post and say reflects a lot about your character and so if you're going to post about God (or you being a Christian), then really be about God (or being a Christian).

If we don't , then what kind of examples are we being to those who are seeking the Lord or who are lost and looking for us to help them find their way.

JS.....

Encourage Yourself!

I've been told numerous times "encourage yourself". I really didn't like when people told me that...it felt unnecessary. I felt encouragement should come from my family and friends...other people! I thought it was weird to bring yourself up, when you're feeling down. Now this is when I was younger, so I was a bit more naive. I had a hard time comprehending the idea of "encouraging yourself".

What I came to realize is that I was being selfish and having a pity party. I wanted attention and people to do for me what I had the ability to do myself. God always has equipped me with what I needed to be better spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Back then I just had stop focusing on myself and the negative. I was acting hopeless. It was wrong of me. So I prayed and worked on not relying so much on others to bring me up. I read the Word more, listened to encouraging songs, and/or pour myself more into my gifts/talents to cope with whatever situation that was affecting me.
Over time, I was able to get out of being so discourage faster and even when I still went to my fam and friends, it was easier to deal with things.

*I'm not saying don't go to your family and friends for encouragement, but sometimes people don't want to even try to help themselves at all. They become stuck and bitter and never learn to get "out of a funk" on their own. Sometimes it is just God and you making it through!

God doesn't want you/us to make excuses. There's His Word, His Son, the Holy Spirit, and plenty other things that can help "encourage yourself". It can seem hard as satan would have us think, which does make that battle of discouraging or depressions difficult to fight against.

Like in an earlier blog I wrote...it's all about perspective. We have to change the way we view our circumstances. We have to choose not to be controlled by our emotions and not get stuck in a comfort zone of hurt, pain, sorrow, and discouragement. You don't have to stay discourage if you are. You can be happy, content, collected, and optimistic. For you to remain down and in a state of worry and stress is wrong...it's not healthy.

God is calling you to be strong and trust in Him for what you need. Whatever has you down, remember that through Him, you can be lifted back up. Show the world there is hope in your life. Show those around you that when times get tough, don't go as planned, and get out of control, that you're able to...

ENCOURAGE YOURSELF!

You're Not Missing Out...

I used to think I was missing out when people around me were doing things I didn't or wasn't allowed to do. I used to feel left out, thinking something was "wrong" with me if I wasn't involved with a certain activity or didn't have the same experiences as my friends (or peers). 

There were a lot of things I didn't get to do or have, but that's alright. I look back now and feel humble and content with the way life has gone for me. Yea not everything was "good" and there were times that I care not to reminiscence about, although I can still thank God that it was His plan, His  way, His will for me. I didn't always go to God for big decisions or ask for direction, which lead me to learn things the hard way or go through that time in my life with much more difficulty. When I just let God have His way and take control, I started to feel better about who I was and where I was in life.

I wasn't missing out. Whatever was going on that I thought I should be apart of, God kept me away for a reason. It didn't all have to be wrong, but God knew better than I did and so it wasn't meant for me.

I didn't date as a teen, but most of friends did. I thought things like "No guy wants to date me", "I'm not pretty enough", "I should lower my standards and just go for it", etc... I wasn't out going girl, so most guys that I talked to and liked just kept me in the friend zone. I was the "good/church girl", but since I didn't party and wasn't willing to go to certain places or do certain things, my prospects were low. By the time I got to college, I had already "given up" and thought I'll date when I'm older and out of college, working in my career field. I prayed and ask God to give me patience. I truly wanted to wait on Him and stop worrying so much about when I'll meet "the one". Little did I know, a young man had been paying attention to me for quite some time and finally started talking to me. Eventually we got closer, started dating, and then got happily married. I really think that if I didn't allow God to work with me and give me patience, I'd be with someone I wasn't happy with or worse.

That's just an example of what I felt I missed out on (dating at that age at that time), when it was not the right time for me. Now that situation may seem a little silly, but there have been other circumstances when I felt like "I'm missing out". Mostly that feeling was related to the timing of things in my life i.e. graduating college (sooner than later), working in my career field, owning a home, making certain accomplishments, etc. Honestly it could be almost anything, but after some reflection and prayer, that feeling goes away.

So if you feel like you're "missing out"...you're probably not. What is God's plan for your life? What are you truly meant to do or be apart of? If all your friends are dating, doesn't mean you have to be. A friend has bought a house, doesn't mean you have to buy one too. You want to live on your own (or with your buddies), well maybe that won't happen. Owning a business, getting married, having children, traveling the world, etc...whatever it is...
You won't always do and/or get to be apart of what seems great or popular like those around you. You're not missing out.

Trust God. He knows what is best for you. You don't need to have the same life as someone else to have a good, exciting life. Whatever happens to and for you is how your life will go because God meant it that way. Don't rush. Don't do anything without keeping God first. Don't allow what you feel cause you miss out on what God may have for you...or in short don't miss out on your blessings because you're after things that don't really matter or meant for you at this time.

Ecclesiastes 8:6 
"For there is a time and a way for everything"

Galatians 6:9

^"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

Psalm 37:3-4
"Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."
 

Happy New Year and Happiness Ahead

Welcome to 2015!

First I'm going to praise God for blessing me to see this year. I'm looking forward to just continuing on with the things I have already made commitments to do and grow/mature as a young Christian woman. There are new things I want to do, but I don't want to start now just because it's New Year. I rather what until I know it's the right time so I don't quit or begin what I can't finish because I should have waited anyway.

So I'm very active on Facebook and I see plenty of people who talk about their new commitments and goals for the year. Honestly sometimes I wonder what is motivating people to choose what they want to do this year. I think it is really easy to set a goal and say what you want to do, but why? Everyone wants to "get fit", but why? Some people want to start a business, but why? Why this year and not before?

I ask myself "why", so this isn't just pointing the finger. I don't like doing things without purpose. I like to figure out if what I want to do will please God, benefits others, and mean something to me.
I don't expect everyone do think that same way, but I do hope that resolutions, commitments, and goals made are done with thoughtfulness and good reason.

Honestly the main thing I look forward to this year is more happiness. There's so much negativity and disorder going on, I just want to see people find happiness in some way. I know that's not easy when so much is going on personally, socially, and in the world. It's like "how can I/you be happy, when there's violence, chaos, death, persecution, etc happening?" and I understand that doesn't make anyone feel "happy". Although I like to still find that "silver lining" in all that goes on, because I like to be good and happy when it's the right time to be so.

 I find happiness in the Lord, because He is the one in control, can change things, and gives the real feeling of happiness....more like joy I should say. So this year, whatever comes my way, I will look to the Lord for peace, contentment, and happiness. I don't want to stay stuck in the negative.


Well that's all I have for now. I'll be back sooner than later with more to share.