Up late...and It's been awhile since I've blogged.
Idk why I don't write more. I have plenty to talk about...for real!
Tonight though, just got some things that are weighing HEAVY on my heart, got my mind all over the place. So I'm blogging to get myself together. Please bear with me.
I wish I could express it all, vent and get it all out!
Although first it wouldn't be wise to do publicly online (you know, sharing all or too many details), and second I have to be wise in general about how I deal with my emotions. I believe in having self control, because I could go crazy, but then again I could just give it over to God.
I can let Him know (even though He already does know) what's up and how I'm feeling about it. I mean, sometimes I do cry to Him. Sometimes I feeling a little upset (not at Him) and I'm just so tensed about certain situations (whether I'm affected directly or indirectly). Ones where I am completely aware of that I have no control over, foolishness is rampant, and/or nothing seems to makes sense. So then I'm just to the point where I am done, just can't deal, and asking God....Why?
I'm asking why this or that....why did I or why did they/him/her do such a thing....why can't this get better....get resolved....just be over?
There have been times where I felt "numb". What do I mean? Numb, as in just no exact feeling or reaction to a situation because I'm so far to the point of not even understanding how to feel about whatever is going on. I could have been happy, sad, upset, confused, or whatever at first, but eventually I go into a state of...blank. I can't interpret how I should feel when so much is going on...almost like I get too overwhelmed with emotions and then I guess check out.
Idk, hope that made sense.
Well now as I stated above, I feel burden and want to vent (a mixture of sorrow and anger), but...
then again I feel like I'm entering a state of peace.
All of a sudden, but Sweet Spirit you just said...
Hold on my readers! Remember I'm doing this blog to help me out.
Let me clarify...yes my heart is burden, but God is bestowing peace on me as I start to let go and let Him handle it. It's a process.
As I write (or type), I'm checking my emotions and discerning through what to say.
At this point you're probably like, "So, what's bothering you?".
Well mainly satan and things he's been up to with my family and friends. Not that I don't have my struggles, but nothing compares right now to what's going on with them. Their health, jobs, marriages, etc....are being under attack by satan.
He's been busy if you haven't noticed!!!
My loved ones are in a state of emergency. They got all kinds of foolishness and sinful matters going on. Others are sick with illnesses and ailments, just waiting to be healed. Some are lost, defeated, and/or confused about where they at in life. It's CRAZY!
Why am I burden? I can't do anything about it. It's like I have to site here and watch it all go down. I can't make it go away. I can't stop satan. I can't stop sin. I can't...
But God can! So now I have to pray and let Him work it out! I need to stop worrying myself and not feel hopeless, because God got it.
He has the sick, the lost, the hurt, and the confused. He has each one taken care of in a way that I can't, but certainly He can fix it all.
So as I end my rambling, let me just conclude by saying...
You were not meant to solve the problems of this world. You can't always intervene or get involved. You won't have enough of your on strength of power to change or deal with certain things. It all has to be left up to God. Only He can make a way and work it out. At the end of the day, any of us can do is pray and let Him work. Now if He decides to you (or me) to be apart of His plan to restore, rebuild, or reconcile, then listen and obey. Also trust that what God does is for His glory, but theirs or our benefit.
I share in each of their burdens, but I can't carry it for them. I have to believe God is going to lift it and make everything as it should be.
