Breaking Down Walls

 Thoughts from an empath....

Sometimes...when trying to knock down others walls there's hesitation, pain/hurt, and complications on both sides. It's not always easy and it's not always possible.

I'm referring to people who build up walls that need to be broken so reaching out or getting through to can be possible. Sometimes, walls are built out of fear and despair and that person is trying to protect his or herself, when really it is preventing from healing, restoration, and love. 

Walls are hard and are put up as such so no one can get throughor over! They don't come down easily and take time to break down. So, patience is needed on both sides. Sometimes, the one trying to get through gets tired and may need a break. Still caring...still trying. 

Personally, I'm just tired in some cases. Not tired of trying to get through or be a friend. I'm tired because it is hard and feeling like, "what more can I do?" How much longer will it take? Am I not trying hard enough? Do I just leave this person be? Maybe, I'm not the one supposed to break their wall(s) down? Do I care too much? 

I guess it'll be hard either way...to keep trying or to leave it alone. 

I'm still a good friend. I don't give up easily on people, but I'm learning when to step aside and let things be. I'm accepting that sometimes people decide to hide from or block you. I'm alright with knowing I did what I could, that it was my best. 

Please note, I'm not talking about anyone specific. I got into a conversation about relationships and friendships and just sharing some of my thoughts from it. Yea, it is personal, relatable, and I can think of few in my life I've been connected with where this has happened. However, it doesn't matter because whether is has been someone past, present, or maybe in the future I know that breaking down someone's walls if meant to do so, isn't something that will not happen overnight. The tools needed have to be good, strong ones. God will have to provide the strength and patience on for the breaker, as the builder of that wall slowly stops and hopefully will finally let it fall. 

The Last 6 Weeks

As I try to go to sleep, I think about how for the last 6 weeks I've been going to the chemo center with my mom in-law. Her treatment is suppose to be 12 weeks so we're over half way through it.

It's definitely a reality check! She's doing as best as we all can hope, but others I see there have been coming for a long time or have a long way to go with their treatments.

I overhear their struggles or walk by and see some who have no one at their side. Yea their families and friends could be busy, but I couldn't imagine going thru that by myself. Some look so weak and/tired. Others are a little more uplifted, but you can still see their pain. It's a battle and journey for them to be cancer free. They are fighters nonetheless.

Being there with my mom-in-law, I believe helps keep her spirit up and have someone to confide in. We talk and reminisce almost the whole time.

Why am I writing this...well it's to remind you that life is precious, unpredictable, and definitely tomorrow is not promised. Also remember those who get up fighting for their lives everyday.

We complain and vent about meaningless matters, when another just wants to feel better physically and beat the odds. We have to remind ourselves that others are struggling like we are...even much "worse".

Last, I got strong moms in my life. My mom had a stroke and she could be speechless and physically inept. However she pulled through and can't stop talking and moving around, lol, but I rather hear her than to wonder what she would say.

My mom-in-law is a trooper. This isn't easy for her, but she keeps going. I told her she will be stronger than ever after it's over. Her chances are great and she'll be alright.

That's enough from me. Keep my family in your prayers. Remember to pray for the sick. Encourage them as well.

An Artistic Perspective

No one had to believe in me, but certain ones did. I did have people question, but no one ever told me to quit or give up.

Being an artist is not an easy thing especially if you pursue a career in being one.

People can be very critical and doubting. Other artists can be very competitive or unnecessarily comparative.

So really it's all about my own passion and perspective that keeps my going in what I love to do. This isn't just a hobby and it is not just my work...my creativity, my artistic gifts, my aesthetic as an artist is who I am.

While I do expect and accept critique, I know everyone will not be pleased and/or see what I see. That's fine. I take in what will allow me to better my work.

I enjoy what I do. Can't see myself doing anything that isn't related to art. I love it so much. Since I could write with a pencil and color with a crayon, I have always been interested art: drawing, painting, crafts, digital art, different aspects of designing, etc.

I can't wait to learn more so I can do more. I have my days when I'm not totally confident, but I got my support esp from my family who tell me to get it together and keep moving forward.

My parents didn't know what to expect as first, but they have always been encouraging and supplied me with plenty of art materials to keep me busy and productive. Now they see it has paid off. Then my husband fully has my back and now I have an overflowing art space that still keeps me busy. Thanks all the art supplies he gets me. ;)

I'll end with this...do what you love. Take whatever critique is necessary, but don't let it get you down.  Be motivated to do your best and do what works for you. If something doesn't work out as planned, either go back to the drawing board and try again...or try something else. Nothing wrong with trying something new. Be passionate about your work and seek to have it benefit others. Trust God with the gifts and talents He's given you. You'll find satisfaction in knowing you're doing what is meant for you to do.

To My Business Owners/Bosses Out There

Obviously I'm still working hard to get out there myself, but let me share this with you and feel free to share back. (In relation to business and growing one)

You won't  "Blow Up", "Get Big", or have major support in one day! It takes time, along with diligence.

You have to get up each day, doing more than the day before to get where you want to be...to get what you want to have.

Sometimes that means you have to get out of your comfort zone-Talk to new people, going out to new places, and exploring different avenues in relation to your business. Make connections! Brand yourself correctly.

This is mostly common knowledge and just the general things to consider.

I just want to encourage real, hard-working, driven, and passionate business owners/entrepreneurs to not be scared to try. If you pursue something you're good at, have sufficient knowledge of, and feel good about it, then see if you can make it work...make it happen. Also know it is ok if you fail or don't get as far the first time around...maybe you're meant to do something else.

Just don't try to copy something or someone else you really have no interest in. Too many want to mimic and get into something just for the benefits...then fall flat because the motive was wrong.
There doesn't need to be several of the same businesses and no one really stands out because there isn't any authenticity ...nothing genuine.

Each business and its brand has a personal story behind. If you don't have one, then it is probably not for you to do. Why do tjis specific business? What will make you stand out? What will cause people to pay attention and support you?

Being in business is NOT for everyone. There's nothing wrong with having a boss. We need bosses and workers. You may not possess the qualities of a "boss" and shouldn't force yourself into the position  of being one. However if you see yourself being a boss (to others or just for yourself), be ready to work 3 times as hard, longer hours, and learn more than what you think you already know.

That's all for now...

Untitled...

After a conversation with my friends, some of it about us growing up and what we did and how we were...I have come to really appreciate how I am...how I turned out.

This isn't me bragging or implying I'm better than anyone else. I never got into much trouble, ran in the streets, or hung out around negative influences. There's things I didn't do that would be considered bad or make my parents worry about me.

However I have made many poor decisions, trusted people I shouldn't have, and was naive in many ways. Being known as good, sweet, and sensitive, didn't mean I am without my flaws and faults. As we were all talking, I just kept thinking how I could have done some things differently. I can't compared to what others have done, but I've sinned and did things that disappointed God and others in my life.

I have struggled with things internally and that would affect how I have treated people and acted outwardly. My actions and behavior have not always been right and I had to suffered consequences and learn from my mistakes.

I thank for God keeping me and showing me areas of my life that I had to work on and still need to work on.

Just thinking back at what I have done and where I am now, I'm in a good place. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm growing, learning, and getting better. I'm becoming more of who God wants me to be. He's forgiven me and continues to have mercy on me. I'm thankful for what I have and all God has done in my life.

Late Night Thinking...Venting...Rambling...

Up late...and It's been awhile since I've blogged.

Idk why I don't write more. I have plenty to talk about...for real!

Tonight though, just got some things that are weighing HEAVY on my heart, got my mind all over the place. So I'm blogging to get myself together. Please bear with me.

I wish I could express it all, vent and get it all out!

Although first it wouldn't be wise to do publicly online (you know, sharing all or too many details), and second I have to be wise in general about how I deal with my emotions. I believe in having self control, because I could go crazy, but then again I could just give it over to God.

I can let Him know (even though He already does know) what's up and how I'm feeling about it. I mean, sometimes I do cry to Him. Sometimes I feeling a little upset (not at Him) and I'm just so tensed about certain situations (whether I'm affected directly or indirectly). Ones where I am completely aware of that I have no control over, foolishness is rampant, and/or nothing seems to makes sense. So then I'm just to the point where I am done, just can't deal, and asking God....Why? 

I'm asking why this or that....why did I or why did they/him/her do such a thing....why can't this get better....get resolved....just be over?

There have been times where I felt "numb". What do I mean? Numb, as in just no exact feeling or reaction to a situation because I'm so far to the point of not even understanding how to feel about whatever is going on. I could have been happy, sad, upset, confused, or whatever at first, but eventually I go into a state of...blank. I can't interpret how I should feel when so much is going on...almost like I get too overwhelmed with emotions and then I guess check out.

Idk, hope that made sense.

Well now as I stated above, I feel burden and want to vent (a mixture of sorrow and anger), but...

then again I feel like I'm entering a state of peace.

All of a sudden, but Sweet Spirit you just said...

Hold on my readers! Remember I'm doing this blog to help me out.

Let me clarify...yes my heart is burden,  but God is bestowing peace on me as I start to let go and let Him handle it. It's a process.

As I write (or type), I'm checking my emotions and discerning through what to say.

At this point you're probably like, "So, what's bothering you?".

Well mainly satan and things he's been up to with my family and friends. Not that I don't have my struggles, but nothing compares right now to what's going on with them. Their health, jobs, marriages, etc....are being under attack by satan.

He's been busy if you haven't noticed!!!

My loved ones are in a state of emergency. They got all kinds of foolishness and sinful matters going on. Others are sick with illnesses and ailments, just waiting to be healed. Some are lost, defeated, and/or confused about where they at in life. It's CRAZY!

Why am I burden? I can't do anything about it. It's like I have to site here and watch it all go down. I can't make it go away. I can't stop satan. I can't stop sin. I can't...

But God can! So now I have to pray and let Him work it out! I need to stop worrying myself and not feel hopeless, because God got it.

He has the sick, the lost, the hurt, and the confused. He has each one taken care of in a way that I can't, but certainly He can fix it all.

So as I end my rambling, let me just conclude by saying...

You were not meant to solve the problems of this world. You can't always intervene or get involved. You won't have enough of your on strength of power to change or deal with certain things. It all has to be left up to God. Only He can make a way and work it out. At the end of the day, any of us can do is pray and let Him work. Now if He decides to you (or me) to be apart of His plan to restore, rebuild, or reconcile, then listen and obey. Also trust that what God does is for His glory, but theirs or our benefit. 

I share in each of their burdens, but I can't carry it for them. I have to believe God is going to lift it and make everything as it should be.

Year after year....

This time of year will always remind me of how far I've come and how I was able to overcome some really deep stuff.

With all the killing going on, I just have to praise God for keeping me. The world is becoming more dangerous.

Having your life threaten is a scary and tramatic experience. 

Even tho its been almost 3 years, I think deep down I still feel what I dealt with then. I try not to think about it, but...

I still wonder what happened to those two young men who robbed me. Did they do it to someone else? Did they ever get caught? Did I do what I was suppose to do? Why am I still affected by it sometimes?

I feel like it's never been fully resolved.

I think others can relate. Although others I know who've been through the same thing don't talk about their related experiences much. So I guess maybe it is still fresh to me? Maybe I haven't completely got over it yet?

Idk, still happy to be here and alive. God protected me and all I can do is thank Him. I saw two guns point at me and what else was there to do but trust God.

I just pray that those two boys didn't continue on with their actions.

I'm hoping to use that part of my life as a testimony and not be known as a victim, but a victor.